In the 21st century, to be in love with another is more necessary than ever. I have tried self-love, self-care, personal development, stress eating, book diving. Nothing, nothing is a better antidote than love between two.

If you can derive your love from familial and platonic love, then I applaud you. But for me, the only sustainable solution is to be completely dependent on another, and to have another completely dependent on me. Every day. Every metaphorical day.

Of course, I would refuse to admit this to, say, my Twitter crowd. But I crave it. It is my deepest secret; I must let it expand.

I look at self-sufficient people around the world and I applaud them. Then I say thank you, when they spit at my feet.

(I cannot be okay. I cannot be okay if I am briefly imagining jumping from my friend’s balcony on Level 46 when we are sharing charcuterie.)

But I was okay when I was in love. I was so okay that I was shaking within myself all the time. Everything falling out of place, falling into place. Everything, finally everything.

So—Yes. When I say I need to be in love I really mean it. But I will refuse you if you are also the type that needs to be in love. I can only pity you from afar, and hold you near my heart.